First week back to work. It was so great to get back into the swing of things and back to work. I know there were a lot of people that were worried about me going back to soon. But it was a very good thing for me. I need to be there for sense of being. My work is a very big part of who I am. It makes me feel like things are normal. Even know I know that they are not but it helps. Every day around 3:30 or so I would start to feel tired but I was able to finish out the day. Just got to bed very very early this week. I didn't have any problems sleeping this week. :)
So I have a lot doctor appointments scheduled in the upcoming weeks, but it is all going to be worth it the end. I saw Dr. Biermann (my oncologist) on Thursday with mom and Franny. They really liked him which made me very happy that I chose him. Dr. Biermann did inform me that I will have 4 rounds of chemo. Which is 12 weeks total, this is a great news. The less amount of chemo that you can get. That make me very happy. With regards to radiation, that will be determined at a later date. the radiation oncologists are on the fence with regards to patients that had a mastectomy that if it is necessary or not. They are leaning on the side of yes. So again if it then it is just a part of treatment. The more preventive measures we take the better we are so that we beat this forever. I am not ready to give up on anything and let this win. No way. I start physical therapy on Monday afternoon. I am kinda of interested to see what they do with regards to breast reconstruction physical therapy. I am able to more my arms for the most part but it still hurts to do somethings. The weirdest feeling is what started this morning. It is a pinching feeling in my boob area. Dr. Levy said that was a good thing, that the nerves are healing and repairing themselves. April 2nd I start getting the foobs filled. That should be an interesting watching every week the foobs grow. That is a very weird thing to see in clothing right now. Being flat chested. I can't even remember being flat chested. But I am right now but it is all temporary.
Well when I saw Dr. Biermann we had to go into the treatment area and that was very rough. The patient advocate was talking to me and said something very true. She said your feelings are different than your attitude. I do have a very positive attitude, but I also have very true feelings. And they come out and I do break down sometimes. And watching these other women sitting there hooked up to bags of toxic drugs was very emotionally. Thinking that in about a month that is going to be me. I know I am going to have a very emotion deal losing my hair. I really didn't care about losing my breasts. I guess because they where not health and I didn't know what was happening it made me very relived to have them gone. But to have to lose my hair because of the drugs that I have to take just to make sure that we got all of the cancer as well as help with it not to come back. Scares the shit of me. Sorry but yes losing my hair scares me and not feeling well and consistent tired feeling scares me. I just want to make sure I can get better and I know this is the one way.
Again I will try and keep everyone update.
TTYL
Jenn
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