First week back to work. It was so great to get back into the swing of things and back to work. I know there were a lot of people that were worried about me going back to soon. But it was a very good thing for me. I need to be there for sense of being. My work is a very big part of who I am. It makes me feel like things are normal. Even know I know that they are not but it helps. Every day around 3:30 or so I would start to feel tired but I was able to finish out the day. Just got to bed very very early this week. I didn't have any problems sleeping this week. :)
So I have a lot doctor appointments scheduled in the upcoming weeks, but it is all going to be worth it the end. I saw Dr. Biermann (my oncologist) on Thursday with mom and Franny. They really liked him which made me very happy that I chose him. Dr. Biermann did inform me that I will have 4 rounds of chemo. Which is 12 weeks total, this is a great news. The less amount of chemo that you can get. That make me very happy. With regards to radiation, that will be determined at a later date. the radiation oncologists are on the fence with regards to patients that had a mastectomy that if it is necessary or not. They are leaning on the side of yes. So again if it then it is just a part of treatment. The more preventive measures we take the better we are so that we beat this forever. I am not ready to give up on anything and let this win. No way. I start physical therapy on Monday afternoon. I am kinda of interested to see what they do with regards to breast reconstruction physical therapy. I am able to more my arms for the most part but it still hurts to do somethings. The weirdest feeling is what started this morning. It is a pinching feeling in my boob area. Dr. Levy said that was a good thing, that the nerves are healing and repairing themselves. April 2nd I start getting the foobs filled. That should be an interesting watching every week the foobs grow. That is a very weird thing to see in clothing right now. Being flat chested. I can't even remember being flat chested. But I am right now but it is all temporary.
Well when I saw Dr. Biermann we had to go into the treatment area and that was very rough. The patient advocate was talking to me and said something very true. She said your feelings are different than your attitude. I do have a very positive attitude, but I also have very true feelings. And they come out and I do break down sometimes. And watching these other women sitting there hooked up to bags of toxic drugs was very emotionally. Thinking that in about a month that is going to be me. I know I am going to have a very emotion deal losing my hair. I really didn't care about losing my breasts. I guess because they where not health and I didn't know what was happening it made me very relived to have them gone. But to have to lose my hair because of the drugs that I have to take just to make sure that we got all of the cancer as well as help with it not to come back. Scares the shit of me. Sorry but yes losing my hair scares me and not feeling well and consistent tired feeling scares me. I just want to make sure I can get better and I know this is the one way.
Again I will try and keep everyone update.
TTYL
Jenn
Friday, March 23, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
18 days post op
Well it is 18 days since I had my surgery. I have to say that it was a very trying recovery period. I am very grateful to have my mom and family, but not being able to be independent and have to depend on people. That was very very hard for me. But I did it and now I am on the mend. Friday Dr. DiBello took out the drains and it was very liberating. He said everything is looking well. I start my fills on April 2nd. He is away for 10 days so that is why I can't start sooner. I still have to set up physical therapy, a follow up with Dr. Levy and then a meeting with the oncologist (Dr. Bierman). I already set up to get at least 4 fills for all of April. Not sure how many I am going to need but at least that is scheduled. Every Monday morning, I get to get experience puberty and have my foobs grow. Now that the swelling is going down my foobs definitely look like I am 12 again. Little bumps. ;) I actually don't need a bra but I did go out and buy a sports bra to have the compression still to keep the swelling down because they are still healing. The whole area just feels weird. I am not sure if it because I was so compressed and packed with bandages for 18 days in the surgical bras or because of the swelling has started to go down. I know that under my left arm I did have more swelling than other side and now that the drains have come out that swelling is almost gone that area feels so much different.
This weekend was the first time I could drive in 18 days. That was a very weird feeling also. It was very nice to be able to just get up and go. Saturday I went over to field maintenance day at our baseball field, even though I couldn't help with the physical stuff but I wanted to be there for support. It was a beautiful day to be out and the boys were able to play at the playground after they helped. Sunday was our first practice. I am so excited to be back at baseball. It is one of my favorite time of the year. Joey went over to Betty's and played in her yard. Jason did very well, he was a little rusty with some of this things, but you can tell that other stuff has stuck. I know he is going to do well this season.
I am going back to work tomorrow. I am very excited to get back into the routine, but also a little scared that I can do the whole day. My body is still recovering and this weekend after going out and just that little bit of stuff I did, I needed to lay down and relax when we got home. I know that if I start to feel this way at work and tell my boss he will let me go home, but I really want to try and hold out and see how I do. I am guessing is a waiting game. Will update you guys on this one.
Another weird thing that happened today, I put on a shirt today that I was a little big for me before I had my surgery and I had to hang it back up because I don't have anything to fill the top out anymore. That was a really weird thing to look at in the mirror. I have a feeling that I will tend to weird lots of baggy shirts for a while until I get over looking in the mirror. I am not upset about it, I just don't think it looks right. Since my bypass surgery, I haven't like what I see in the mirror with no clothes on, but always liked the way I looked in clothes. Now I have to get over not liking what I look like in clothes for the time being. I know it is only a temporary thing, but that is something that I have to get through.
The visit with the oncologist is weight a lot on my mind now. Because what he says is the next step to my treatment. I know I am strong and I am going to do this with everything I have. But again it sucks that we are at the unknown stage once again. We do know the surgery removed the cancer and the lymph nodes are clean, but what is the next step to make sure that the cancer stays away. I really hated being out of work and not feeling well. I just hope that we can do the less treatment as necessary and get on with this.
A friend of mine contacted me during my recovery about working with him on a benefit to help raise money for breast cancer research. He has a band and wants to get people come to see them but during this raise money for breast cancer research. It not only has hit him directly as his mother was diagnosed over the summer, but we have a couple other friends in our circle that have been diagnosed. So I am looking forward to helping with this and hoping that I will feel well enough to not only help as much as possible but attend. I believe that this is going to be something that I am going to become very passionate about. So all of you who are reading this, keep you eye out for information about this benefit it is going to be a great time for a great cause. We are going to look for a different organization that is locate other than Komen to see who can we real help on a personal level. But definitely for research!!
Well TTYL
Jenn
This weekend was the first time I could drive in 18 days. That was a very weird feeling also. It was very nice to be able to just get up and go. Saturday I went over to field maintenance day at our baseball field, even though I couldn't help with the physical stuff but I wanted to be there for support. It was a beautiful day to be out and the boys were able to play at the playground after they helped. Sunday was our first practice. I am so excited to be back at baseball. It is one of my favorite time of the year. Joey went over to Betty's and played in her yard. Jason did very well, he was a little rusty with some of this things, but you can tell that other stuff has stuck. I know he is going to do well this season.
I am going back to work tomorrow. I am very excited to get back into the routine, but also a little scared that I can do the whole day. My body is still recovering and this weekend after going out and just that little bit of stuff I did, I needed to lay down and relax when we got home. I know that if I start to feel this way at work and tell my boss he will let me go home, but I really want to try and hold out and see how I do. I am guessing is a waiting game. Will update you guys on this one.
Another weird thing that happened today, I put on a shirt today that I was a little big for me before I had my surgery and I had to hang it back up because I don't have anything to fill the top out anymore. That was a really weird thing to look at in the mirror. I have a feeling that I will tend to weird lots of baggy shirts for a while until I get over looking in the mirror. I am not upset about it, I just don't think it looks right. Since my bypass surgery, I haven't like what I see in the mirror with no clothes on, but always liked the way I looked in clothes. Now I have to get over not liking what I look like in clothes for the time being. I know it is only a temporary thing, but that is something that I have to get through.
The visit with the oncologist is weight a lot on my mind now. Because what he says is the next step to my treatment. I know I am strong and I am going to do this with everything I have. But again it sucks that we are at the unknown stage once again. We do know the surgery removed the cancer and the lymph nodes are clean, but what is the next step to make sure that the cancer stays away. I really hated being out of work and not feeling well. I just hope that we can do the less treatment as necessary and get on with this.
A friend of mine contacted me during my recovery about working with him on a benefit to help raise money for breast cancer research. He has a band and wants to get people come to see them but during this raise money for breast cancer research. It not only has hit him directly as his mother was diagnosed over the summer, but we have a couple other friends in our circle that have been diagnosed. So I am looking forward to helping with this and hoping that I will feel well enough to not only help as much as possible but attend. I believe that this is going to be something that I am going to become very passionate about. So all of you who are reading this, keep you eye out for information about this benefit it is going to be a great time for a great cause. We are going to look for a different organization that is locate other than Komen to see who can we real help on a personal level. But definitely for research!!
Well TTYL
Jenn
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Still in prison
UGH! Well I still have 2 drains in. I can't stand that I am starting to physically feel better and just want to get onto the next step, but I am confined to my house because the drains are still collecting fluids. And the big rule is that you can't drive while I have the drains in. They won't start to fill the foobs until the drains out and I can't start to see the physical therapist until they come out. I know that they are doing their job and really don't want this fluid to build up under the skin. If they take out the drains too soon, it will build up and then they have to stick me to drain it. So I guess my couch is my best friend right now. I did walk to the store up the road today just to get out and feel normal. That was nice. The weather is so nice.
I just want to start to feel normal already. Get my boys back into their routine. Everyone being here and helping me has really turned their life upside down. Jason is acting out a lot lately and I have decided to seek outside help. I can see it in his eyes that he is stressing and can not express himself. I tried to give them as much attention as possible but being sick the last couple of weeks has really turned their lives upside down. I am not making excuses for him but I know it is weight a lot on his mind. Last night it was just me and the boys and it was very nice to just have the three of us. I do appreciate everything and every ones help but I (we) needed some alone time. It was actually very nice to have Jason crawl into bed next to me. I missed him doing that. He was very good staying on his side but I am hoping that knowing that he can crawl in bed with mom help him a little.
I am still hoping to go to back to work on Monday but it is all based on having the drains come out. I have to call tomorrow with measurements. Everybody think under 30 in a 24 hour period.
But I did feel productive today. I did some baseball stuff and it made me feel good to be in front of my computer and get things moving again. Hell my fingers aren't broken.
Well I will keep you up to date. Check back soon
TTYL
Jenn
I just want to start to feel normal already. Get my boys back into their routine. Everyone being here and helping me has really turned their life upside down. Jason is acting out a lot lately and I have decided to seek outside help. I can see it in his eyes that he is stressing and can not express himself. I tried to give them as much attention as possible but being sick the last couple of weeks has really turned their lives upside down. I am not making excuses for him but I know it is weight a lot on his mind. Last night it was just me and the boys and it was very nice to just have the three of us. I do appreciate everything and every ones help but I (we) needed some alone time. It was actually very nice to have Jason crawl into bed next to me. I missed him doing that. He was very good staying on his side but I am hoping that knowing that he can crawl in bed with mom help him a little.
I am still hoping to go to back to work on Monday but it is all based on having the drains come out. I have to call tomorrow with measurements. Everybody think under 30 in a 24 hour period.
But I did feel productive today. I did some baseball stuff and it made me feel good to be in front of my computer and get things moving again. Hell my fingers aren't broken.
Well I will keep you up to date. Check back soon
TTYL
Jenn
Thursday, March 8, 2012
One week down
So it has been one since my surgery. It is really weird to realize that one week ago I had cancer. Now we have received great news from our pathology reports on Tuesday. By removing the breast we have removed all the cancer. There was nothing detected in the lymph nodes. Once I am released from from Dr. DiBello for follow up from the surgery, I will be visiting Dr. Bierman to see what he thinks we should do from here. But chemo and radiation will only be to kill anything that maybe be lurking that might be microscopic living. But as of right now I all of the cancer that was we knew about has been removed.
Just to make sure everyone knows what I actually had done. I had a bilateral mastectomy (removed both breast) and Dr. Levy actually did an axcillary lymph node testing not just the sential testing. I am guessing that she decided to go big or go home. :)
I am feeling better and better every day. I am able to move my arms more and more. Got two of the drains out today, what a wonderful feeling that was. Kathy said that mostly likely if they other two continue to drain as they are I could be back their on Monday afternoon and have the others removed. All I have to say to that is OH SWEET BABY JESUS! That would just make my day. So far that has been the most annoying part of the surgery having four drains hanging around your neck. I know that they are doing a job that is necessary but it is definately something that I found to be very bothersome.
Today was a day were I felt more tired than any other days prior. I guess because the pain is less and less sleeping on my back is becoming a problem. I am not a back sleeper at all and not only having to sleep on my back but half sitting up is not very comfortable sleeping. So I go to bed around 11 o'clock and by by 3 I am up and want to toss and turn and that doesnt happen because once you get into bed you don't move. :)
Well every day gets better and better. Thanks again for all of the good thoughts and prayers they mean so much and are working. Keep checking in. I will try and update as news stuff happens.
TTYL
Jenn
Just to make sure everyone knows what I actually had done. I had a bilateral mastectomy (removed both breast) and Dr. Levy actually did an axcillary lymph node testing not just the sential testing. I am guessing that she decided to go big or go home. :)
I am feeling better and better every day. I am able to move my arms more and more. Got two of the drains out today, what a wonderful feeling that was. Kathy said that mostly likely if they other two continue to drain as they are I could be back their on Monday afternoon and have the others removed. All I have to say to that is OH SWEET BABY JESUS! That would just make my day. So far that has been the most annoying part of the surgery having four drains hanging around your neck. I know that they are doing a job that is necessary but it is definately something that I found to be very bothersome.
Today was a day were I felt more tired than any other days prior. I guess because the pain is less and less sleeping on my back is becoming a problem. I am not a back sleeper at all and not only having to sleep on my back but half sitting up is not very comfortable sleeping. So I go to bed around 11 o'clock and by by 3 I am up and want to toss and turn and that doesnt happen because once you get into bed you don't move. :)
Well every day gets better and better. Thanks again for all of the good thoughts and prayers they mean so much and are working. Keep checking in. I will try and update as news stuff happens.
TTYL
Jenn
Monday, March 5, 2012
Another good day
Well recovery is going well. Called Dr. DiBello with the drain reports this afternoon and Kathy said that I might be able to get two of the drains out as soon as Thursday. That was great news. I can definately leave my buddies at the doctor's office in a heartbeat. I know that they are doing what they need to do but they are very bulky and weird having them hanging around my neck or pinned to my bra.
I got two very nice deliveries today one from a friend and the other from the little league's board of directors. Again it was very nice of them to do that and still make me very humbled. I also received a very nice email from a salesman that I worked with at a previous employer sending me prayers and well wishes. Everyones good thoughts and prayers are working in great ways. My recovery is going very well. Even when I called Dr Dibello's office the receptionist and Kathy the nurse said that I sounded great. I told them that I feel very good but listening to my body and rest and take it easy when I have to.
Well today I did break down and call work to check in. I just needed a little information to feel normal. And it did. Just a 5 minute call to Bob helped make me feel good about things. I know that everyone at work are doing such a good job working with my clients, but I know that they can be a handful and that I baby them sometimes in a good way. My clients have become acustomed to that treatment. I know that everyone is doing their best. :)
Very funny thing people are starting to ask me is am I ready to see foobs? Am I depressed or upset? I have to tell you that I have seen them and it doesn't make me depressed or upset. It is actually a relief that they are gone and not there anymore. I did a lot of research and tried to prepare myself to what they were going to look like so I was not surprise to see what I saw. I actually think they look very good for what trauma my chest has been through. I knew that they were not going to look like breast at this point. They actually look more like little bumps with lots of surgical tape on them.
They are very numb and I mean numb and it has been 5 days since the surgery. Think about when the dentist first shots the novicaine in there and you can't feel anything. Well that is what my left side feels like. It is a very weird feeling. Still very sore and limited to how I can move my arms, but I am going to have one great set of ab muscles when this is all done. I never realized how much you use the upper portion of your body and being limited is very very frustrating. Reaching for things is very limiting. Remembering that you can't just get up from a chair. You have to get to the end of the chair or couch and then use all of the ab muscles to lift your body to standing position. But it all part of the healing process.
Well again thanks for reading. I know I have been a little all over the place the last couple of post but I am trying to make sure I update when I get a chance. Right now I am resting in bed while mom is making dinner. It is very nice to have her here helping and I definately appreciate it. I also know that this is a lot for my mom. Since has had to take care of kids in a long time. Even though the boys do a lot of self help, getting them ready for school, lunch made, up in the morning breakfast out the door. I know I have a system in place but it take time. I am very lucky to have her and my family supporting me. And I love them very much. I hope they realize that how much their support real means to me.
TTYL
Jenn
I got two very nice deliveries today one from a friend and the other from the little league's board of directors. Again it was very nice of them to do that and still make me very humbled. I also received a very nice email from a salesman that I worked with at a previous employer sending me prayers and well wishes. Everyones good thoughts and prayers are working in great ways. My recovery is going very well. Even when I called Dr Dibello's office the receptionist and Kathy the nurse said that I sounded great. I told them that I feel very good but listening to my body and rest and take it easy when I have to.
Well today I did break down and call work to check in. I just needed a little information to feel normal. And it did. Just a 5 minute call to Bob helped make me feel good about things. I know that everyone at work are doing such a good job working with my clients, but I know that they can be a handful and that I baby them sometimes in a good way. My clients have become acustomed to that treatment. I know that everyone is doing their best. :)
Very funny thing people are starting to ask me is am I ready to see foobs? Am I depressed or upset? I have to tell you that I have seen them and it doesn't make me depressed or upset. It is actually a relief that they are gone and not there anymore. I did a lot of research and tried to prepare myself to what they were going to look like so I was not surprise to see what I saw. I actually think they look very good for what trauma my chest has been through. I knew that they were not going to look like breast at this point. They actually look more like little bumps with lots of surgical tape on them.
They are very numb and I mean numb and it has been 5 days since the surgery. Think about when the dentist first shots the novicaine in there and you can't feel anything. Well that is what my left side feels like. It is a very weird feeling. Still very sore and limited to how I can move my arms, but I am going to have one great set of ab muscles when this is all done. I never realized how much you use the upper portion of your body and being limited is very very frustrating. Reaching for things is very limiting. Remembering that you can't just get up from a chair. You have to get to the end of the chair or couch and then use all of the ab muscles to lift your body to standing position. But it all part of the healing process.
Well again thanks for reading. I know I have been a little all over the place the last couple of post but I am trying to make sure I update when I get a chance. Right now I am resting in bed while mom is making dinner. It is very nice to have her here helping and I definately appreciate it. I also know that this is a lot for my mom. Since has had to take care of kids in a long time. Even though the boys do a lot of self help, getting them ready for school, lunch made, up in the morning breakfast out the door. I know I have a system in place but it take time. I am very lucky to have her and my family supporting me. And I love them very much. I hope they realize that how much their support real means to me.
TTYL
Jenn
Saturday, March 3, 2012
1st day home
ok surgery went well and I am on my way back to what could be normal but I don't think my life is going to be normal for a while. Or what normal people would consider normal. But could be normal for a person who is a cancer surviror. Yes I am considering myself a cancer survior. I have taken the first steps in betting this ugly thing that affects so many of our lives.
Well I am not going to be winning a swimsuit contest anytime soon with no boobs, but hey the ANGER boob is all gone. They also did the lymph node testing. Not sure how many they had remove or tested yet. We should know this by mid next week. Then we are going to call the oncologist and get that stage going as soon as we can.
I was quite humbled today. I received the cutest flowers today from someone that I went to high school from. She actually called me at the hospital last night to tell me how much my blog has touched her. I was quite touched by her reaching out to me. I am not doing this for self pity. I am doing this more to make sure people see how thing horrible thing touches the life of me and my family. And to show that as long as you stay positive with your attitude you will win. And I want to make sure that young people know that we can get breast cancer too. It is not just for someone over 40. More and more of us are finding this shitty disease touching our lives too close to home. What make 40 year old the magic number to start getting a mammogram. Who decides this? Our insurance companies. Well again that sucks. If I didn't do my self examinations, I would have never found the cancer and maybe it would have spread past the area that it knows were it is.
But I am home now resting missing my boys and on my way to this recovery stage. Lets see how this goes. I will keep everyone updated as much as possible.
Off to take some really good drugs.
TTYL
Jenn
Well I am not going to be winning a swimsuit contest anytime soon with no boobs, but hey the ANGER boob is all gone. They also did the lymph node testing. Not sure how many they had remove or tested yet. We should know this by mid next week. Then we are going to call the oncologist and get that stage going as soon as we can.
I was quite humbled today. I received the cutest flowers today from someone that I went to high school from. She actually called me at the hospital last night to tell me how much my blog has touched her. I was quite touched by her reaching out to me. I am not doing this for self pity. I am doing this more to make sure people see how thing horrible thing touches the life of me and my family. And to show that as long as you stay positive with your attitude you will win. And I want to make sure that young people know that we can get breast cancer too. It is not just for someone over 40. More and more of us are finding this shitty disease touching our lives too close to home. What make 40 year old the magic number to start getting a mammogram. Who decides this? Our insurance companies. Well again that sucks. If I didn't do my self examinations, I would have never found the cancer and maybe it would have spread past the area that it knows were it is.
But I am home now resting missing my boys and on my way to this recovery stage. Lets see how this goes. I will keep everyone updated as much as possible.
Off to take some really good drugs.
TTYL
Jenn
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