Two weeks from today

I was sitting here thinking two weeks from today, I will have this ANGER boob gone.  Right now it is even looking ANGER.  :)  After having it drained, the bruising has set it.  It looks like my nipple grew and covered my whole left boob.  But it doesn't hurt anymore.  Just kinda of itchy.  Again a weird feeling. 

I was wondering that after you have them removed do you get those feelings that they are still there.  Like when people who lose a limp and say that they can still feel it being there.  Kinda of a weird but something to thinking about.  They have been part of my body for 39 years and now they aren't there anymore.  I still am at peace with my decision to have them removed.  And feel it is the best part of the solution. 

I am very stressed thinking about all the stuff that still needs to get done in the next two weeks.  But I am going to take a break for the next two days and head down the shore to hang with some friends and have fun and can't wait to laugh.  I am going to really try and be back to "normal" for the next 48 hours. 

I haven't felt normal since I found the lump.  I feel like it has taken over my life.  Going to doctors, draining my bank account, taking my vacation time, taking away time from my kids.  But I still remain positive every day that I will WIN!!  I use laughter as the best medicine. 

I have had to tell several people in the boys lives about what is going on.  And I get the "Oh I'm sorry look".  I try to tell them it will be OK we are doing what we have to do.  But I still worry about what everything is going to do to my boys.  I hate that it has to effect them.  That is that worst part.  It is just not fair to them.  We don't deserve to have to go through this in addition to our every day challenges.  I have really tried so hard to give them everything in way of love and security.  The changes in our lives that is about to happen just plain SUCKS!  I worry about them the most.  I worry that is it going to scare them seeing mommy in pain, losing her hair.  Because my boys are very visual I know it is going to be a big challenge for them.  But I also think about the positive.  My boys will see that mommy is a fighter and stronger than ever.  And she is doing all of this just for them.  Just like when I had my weight loss surgery.  I did it for us so that I could be healthier and be able to do things with and for them. 

Well I will be back after the weekend.  I leave tomorrow morning and am looking forward to my little get away. 

TTYL

Jenn