Sorry all for having posting in a while! Just been busy busy with life. Well the boys and I are doing well. We are trying to be back in the swing of things with life in general. Work and baseballs have been taking up most of the free time that we have. But loving every minute of it. I love being at work and keeping busy. Hate having to go to the follow up appts with the doctors and physical therapy. But a girl has to do what a girl has to do. Look forward to having this all behind and starting a new me. Right now any free time I have away from work is running to baseball, being a mom and help my friend Tanya run the snack stand. I know everyone keeps asking me how do I do it. Well I love doing it! It makes me feel alive. As many of you know I don't do well sitting still for a long period of time.
Had the port put in last Thursday and that went well. Still a little sore but pushing through as always. Have my last weekly scheduled fill for the foobs on Monday. Then after that I have to schedule two more around the chemo treatments. Because they don't want to stick a needle in you after they just push toxic drugs through your system until you are on the upswing of your body repairing itself. Right after the fill on Monday I am headed to Bryn Mawr hospital to have my wig fitting. That sounds so much like an old lady. But if I am going to lose the hair I am not going to walk around without any. That is the one thing I really am going to hate. And I think worry the most about. Losing my hair. Not that I think my hair defines me but I enjoy being a girly girl when I want to or putting on my baseball cap and my makeup.
I start chemo on Thursday. They say this first one is the longest (5 hours) of just sitting in a chair and letting toxic drugs run through your body to kill any cancer cells that may be there from the surgery. I am hoping I am going to be able take some naps. Because I can't even start to think about sitting there for 5 hours and trying to read. I am going to go crazy. But it is for the best. I am hoping to feeling ok to at least attend Jason's game on Sunday. I hate missing him and the boys play. They are doing so well and I am so proud of Jason as well as his teammates. They really have come together to stay the first half of the season as undefeated. 5-0. I am so proud of my little man.
Today is Jason's 10th birthday. I can't believe my little boy is growing up so quickly.
Well there you go peeps. A little update on what is going on. Keep praying and sending those great thoughts my way. I still have a long road ahead and I think this might just be the hardest of the journey so far. We are praying that everything stays on the right track and we can be done treatments by July 4th. If everything goes according to plan.
TTYL
Jenn
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Feeling more normal
Well I am feeling better and in very nice recovery mode right now. I guess you can say that I am feeling more and more normal. I am still getting the foobs filled every Monday. Dr. DiBello is putting in about 75 cc's each visit. Right now I am about 300 cc's in foob. And I have three more appts scheduled which will be put me at 525 cc's in each before I start chemo. I start chemo on May 3rd. I only have to do 4 rounds which I am very happy about. But I have to schedule my fills around my chemo. So hopefully we will be almost done during chemo. Last week I went and got my hair cut very short because I don't think I am going to be able to deal with my long hair falling out. I am hoping that it being shorter it won't be as bad.
Well Jason's Opening Day for baseball was a huge success. It was very fulfilling and helped keep me busy and focused to recover so that I could fulfill my duties. Everyone was so impressed and loved the day. It was so rewarding to be a part of it.
Now onto treatment and to attend and help out at as many of Jason's games that I can. I truly love being involved with the organization. I am hoping that my treatment doesn't put me down for too long or too bad because I want to be there for J and show him my support. To show him that I am a fighter and stay focused on what is important. He is doing so well right now and really showing how mature he is becoming as well as a team player.
TTYL
Jenn
Well Jason's Opening Day for baseball was a huge success. It was very fulfilling and helped keep me busy and focused to recover so that I could fulfill my duties. Everyone was so impressed and loved the day. It was so rewarding to be a part of it.
Now onto treatment and to attend and help out at as many of Jason's games that I can. I truly love being involved with the organization. I am hoping that my treatment doesn't put me down for too long or too bad because I want to be there for J and show him my support. To show him that I am a fighter and stay focused on what is important. He is doing so well right now and really showing how mature he is becoming as well as a team player.
TTYL
Jenn
Monday, April 2, 2012
One month since surgery
So it has been offically 1 months since my surgery and everything seems to be going well. Back to work and very happy to be there. Have been to physical therapy 3X so far and have to go 2X a week. It seems to be working too. Not as tight I was in the beginning. I get to molest my breast to loosen the muscles around the expanders and they have me doing a lot of home exercises to stretch the muscles out.
I got my first fill today. It was one of the weidest feelings. I actually felt the saline going into the expander and also because it has folds in there since they are not full. I actually heard it unfold. Again another weird sound from the foobs. LOL Well I go back every Monday until they are done. I started out with 150 cc's and then put 75 in today. I have no idea of how much they are going to have to put in. But Dr. DiBello said I will wind up with a full c to d cup. Crazy huh. They took off sagging B's and after this is all over I will wind up with perky C - D.
Going on Wednesday to see the general surgeon to see what is involved in getting the port put in for chemo. Another surgeon. Boy I am going to have a road map of scars. But it is all good. Now we are on track to have to this all taken care of and get this over with.
TTYL
Jenn
I got my first fill today. It was one of the weidest feelings. I actually felt the saline going into the expander and also because it has folds in there since they are not full. I actually heard it unfold. Again another weird sound from the foobs. LOL Well I go back every Monday until they are done. I started out with 150 cc's and then put 75 in today. I have no idea of how much they are going to have to put in. But Dr. DiBello said I will wind up with a full c to d cup. Crazy huh. They took off sagging B's and after this is all over I will wind up with perky C - D.
Going on Wednesday to see the general surgeon to see what is involved in getting the port put in for chemo. Another surgeon. Boy I am going to have a road map of scars. But it is all good. Now we are on track to have to this all taken care of and get this over with.
TTYL
Jenn
Friday, March 23, 2012
First week of work done!
First week back to work. It was so great to get back into the swing of things and back to work. I know there were a lot of people that were worried about me going back to soon. But it was a very good thing for me. I need to be there for sense of being. My work is a very big part of who I am. It makes me feel like things are normal. Even know I know that they are not but it helps. Every day around 3:30 or so I would start to feel tired but I was able to finish out the day. Just got to bed very very early this week. I didn't have any problems sleeping this week. :)
So I have a lot doctor appointments scheduled in the upcoming weeks, but it is all going to be worth it the end. I saw Dr. Biermann (my oncologist) on Thursday with mom and Franny. They really liked him which made me very happy that I chose him. Dr. Biermann did inform me that I will have 4 rounds of chemo. Which is 12 weeks total, this is a great news. The less amount of chemo that you can get. That make me very happy. With regards to radiation, that will be determined at a later date. the radiation oncologists are on the fence with regards to patients that had a mastectomy that if it is necessary or not. They are leaning on the side of yes. So again if it then it is just a part of treatment. The more preventive measures we take the better we are so that we beat this forever. I am not ready to give up on anything and let this win. No way. I start physical therapy on Monday afternoon. I am kinda of interested to see what they do with regards to breast reconstruction physical therapy. I am able to more my arms for the most part but it still hurts to do somethings. The weirdest feeling is what started this morning. It is a pinching feeling in my boob area. Dr. Levy said that was a good thing, that the nerves are healing and repairing themselves. April 2nd I start getting the foobs filled. That should be an interesting watching every week the foobs grow. That is a very weird thing to see in clothing right now. Being flat chested. I can't even remember being flat chested. But I am right now but it is all temporary.
Well when I saw Dr. Biermann we had to go into the treatment area and that was very rough. The patient advocate was talking to me and said something very true. She said your feelings are different than your attitude. I do have a very positive attitude, but I also have very true feelings. And they come out and I do break down sometimes. And watching these other women sitting there hooked up to bags of toxic drugs was very emotionally. Thinking that in about a month that is going to be me. I know I am going to have a very emotion deal losing my hair. I really didn't care about losing my breasts. I guess because they where not health and I didn't know what was happening it made me very relived to have them gone. But to have to lose my hair because of the drugs that I have to take just to make sure that we got all of the cancer as well as help with it not to come back. Scares the shit of me. Sorry but yes losing my hair scares me and not feeling well and consistent tired feeling scares me. I just want to make sure I can get better and I know this is the one way.
Again I will try and keep everyone update.
TTYL
Jenn
So I have a lot doctor appointments scheduled in the upcoming weeks, but it is all going to be worth it the end. I saw Dr. Biermann (my oncologist) on Thursday with mom and Franny. They really liked him which made me very happy that I chose him. Dr. Biermann did inform me that I will have 4 rounds of chemo. Which is 12 weeks total, this is a great news. The less amount of chemo that you can get. That make me very happy. With regards to radiation, that will be determined at a later date. the radiation oncologists are on the fence with regards to patients that had a mastectomy that if it is necessary or not. They are leaning on the side of yes. So again if it then it is just a part of treatment. The more preventive measures we take the better we are so that we beat this forever. I am not ready to give up on anything and let this win. No way. I start physical therapy on Monday afternoon. I am kinda of interested to see what they do with regards to breast reconstruction physical therapy. I am able to more my arms for the most part but it still hurts to do somethings. The weirdest feeling is what started this morning. It is a pinching feeling in my boob area. Dr. Levy said that was a good thing, that the nerves are healing and repairing themselves. April 2nd I start getting the foobs filled. That should be an interesting watching every week the foobs grow. That is a very weird thing to see in clothing right now. Being flat chested. I can't even remember being flat chested. But I am right now but it is all temporary.
Well when I saw Dr. Biermann we had to go into the treatment area and that was very rough. The patient advocate was talking to me and said something very true. She said your feelings are different than your attitude. I do have a very positive attitude, but I also have very true feelings. And they come out and I do break down sometimes. And watching these other women sitting there hooked up to bags of toxic drugs was very emotionally. Thinking that in about a month that is going to be me. I know I am going to have a very emotion deal losing my hair. I really didn't care about losing my breasts. I guess because they where not health and I didn't know what was happening it made me very relived to have them gone. But to have to lose my hair because of the drugs that I have to take just to make sure that we got all of the cancer as well as help with it not to come back. Scares the shit of me. Sorry but yes losing my hair scares me and not feeling well and consistent tired feeling scares me. I just want to make sure I can get better and I know this is the one way.
Again I will try and keep everyone update.
TTYL
Jenn
Sunday, March 18, 2012
18 days post op
Well it is 18 days since I had my surgery. I have to say that it was a very trying recovery period. I am very grateful to have my mom and family, but not being able to be independent and have to depend on people. That was very very hard for me. But I did it and now I am on the mend. Friday Dr. DiBello took out the drains and it was very liberating. He said everything is looking well. I start my fills on April 2nd. He is away for 10 days so that is why I can't start sooner. I still have to set up physical therapy, a follow up with Dr. Levy and then a meeting with the oncologist (Dr. Bierman). I already set up to get at least 4 fills for all of April. Not sure how many I am going to need but at least that is scheduled. Every Monday morning, I get to get experience puberty and have my foobs grow. Now that the swelling is going down my foobs definitely look like I am 12 again. Little bumps. ;) I actually don't need a bra but I did go out and buy a sports bra to have the compression still to keep the swelling down because they are still healing. The whole area just feels weird. I am not sure if it because I was so compressed and packed with bandages for 18 days in the surgical bras or because of the swelling has started to go down. I know that under my left arm I did have more swelling than other side and now that the drains have come out that swelling is almost gone that area feels so much different.
This weekend was the first time I could drive in 18 days. That was a very weird feeling also. It was very nice to be able to just get up and go. Saturday I went over to field maintenance day at our baseball field, even though I couldn't help with the physical stuff but I wanted to be there for support. It was a beautiful day to be out and the boys were able to play at the playground after they helped. Sunday was our first practice. I am so excited to be back at baseball. It is one of my favorite time of the year. Joey went over to Betty's and played in her yard. Jason did very well, he was a little rusty with some of this things, but you can tell that other stuff has stuck. I know he is going to do well this season.
I am going back to work tomorrow. I am very excited to get back into the routine, but also a little scared that I can do the whole day. My body is still recovering and this weekend after going out and just that little bit of stuff I did, I needed to lay down and relax when we got home. I know that if I start to feel this way at work and tell my boss he will let me go home, but I really want to try and hold out and see how I do. I am guessing is a waiting game. Will update you guys on this one.
Another weird thing that happened today, I put on a shirt today that I was a little big for me before I had my surgery and I had to hang it back up because I don't have anything to fill the top out anymore. That was a really weird thing to look at in the mirror. I have a feeling that I will tend to weird lots of baggy shirts for a while until I get over looking in the mirror. I am not upset about it, I just don't think it looks right. Since my bypass surgery, I haven't like what I see in the mirror with no clothes on, but always liked the way I looked in clothes. Now I have to get over not liking what I look like in clothes for the time being. I know it is only a temporary thing, but that is something that I have to get through.
The visit with the oncologist is weight a lot on my mind now. Because what he says is the next step to my treatment. I know I am strong and I am going to do this with everything I have. But again it sucks that we are at the unknown stage once again. We do know the surgery removed the cancer and the lymph nodes are clean, but what is the next step to make sure that the cancer stays away. I really hated being out of work and not feeling well. I just hope that we can do the less treatment as necessary and get on with this.
A friend of mine contacted me during my recovery about working with him on a benefit to help raise money for breast cancer research. He has a band and wants to get people come to see them but during this raise money for breast cancer research. It not only has hit him directly as his mother was diagnosed over the summer, but we have a couple other friends in our circle that have been diagnosed. So I am looking forward to helping with this and hoping that I will feel well enough to not only help as much as possible but attend. I believe that this is going to be something that I am going to become very passionate about. So all of you who are reading this, keep you eye out for information about this benefit it is going to be a great time for a great cause. We are going to look for a different organization that is locate other than Komen to see who can we real help on a personal level. But definitely for research!!
Well TTYL
Jenn
This weekend was the first time I could drive in 18 days. That was a very weird feeling also. It was very nice to be able to just get up and go. Saturday I went over to field maintenance day at our baseball field, even though I couldn't help with the physical stuff but I wanted to be there for support. It was a beautiful day to be out and the boys were able to play at the playground after they helped. Sunday was our first practice. I am so excited to be back at baseball. It is one of my favorite time of the year. Joey went over to Betty's and played in her yard. Jason did very well, he was a little rusty with some of this things, but you can tell that other stuff has stuck. I know he is going to do well this season.
I am going back to work tomorrow. I am very excited to get back into the routine, but also a little scared that I can do the whole day. My body is still recovering and this weekend after going out and just that little bit of stuff I did, I needed to lay down and relax when we got home. I know that if I start to feel this way at work and tell my boss he will let me go home, but I really want to try and hold out and see how I do. I am guessing is a waiting game. Will update you guys on this one.
Another weird thing that happened today, I put on a shirt today that I was a little big for me before I had my surgery and I had to hang it back up because I don't have anything to fill the top out anymore. That was a really weird thing to look at in the mirror. I have a feeling that I will tend to weird lots of baggy shirts for a while until I get over looking in the mirror. I am not upset about it, I just don't think it looks right. Since my bypass surgery, I haven't like what I see in the mirror with no clothes on, but always liked the way I looked in clothes. Now I have to get over not liking what I look like in clothes for the time being. I know it is only a temporary thing, but that is something that I have to get through.
The visit with the oncologist is weight a lot on my mind now. Because what he says is the next step to my treatment. I know I am strong and I am going to do this with everything I have. But again it sucks that we are at the unknown stage once again. We do know the surgery removed the cancer and the lymph nodes are clean, but what is the next step to make sure that the cancer stays away. I really hated being out of work and not feeling well. I just hope that we can do the less treatment as necessary and get on with this.
A friend of mine contacted me during my recovery about working with him on a benefit to help raise money for breast cancer research. He has a band and wants to get people come to see them but during this raise money for breast cancer research. It not only has hit him directly as his mother was diagnosed over the summer, but we have a couple other friends in our circle that have been diagnosed. So I am looking forward to helping with this and hoping that I will feel well enough to not only help as much as possible but attend. I believe that this is going to be something that I am going to become very passionate about. So all of you who are reading this, keep you eye out for information about this benefit it is going to be a great time for a great cause. We are going to look for a different organization that is locate other than Komen to see who can we real help on a personal level. But definitely for research!!
Well TTYL
Jenn
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Still in prison
UGH! Well I still have 2 drains in. I can't stand that I am starting to physically feel better and just want to get onto the next step, but I am confined to my house because the drains are still collecting fluids. And the big rule is that you can't drive while I have the drains in. They won't start to fill the foobs until the drains out and I can't start to see the physical therapist until they come out. I know that they are doing their job and really don't want this fluid to build up under the skin. If they take out the drains too soon, it will build up and then they have to stick me to drain it. So I guess my couch is my best friend right now. I did walk to the store up the road today just to get out and feel normal. That was nice. The weather is so nice.
I just want to start to feel normal already. Get my boys back into their routine. Everyone being here and helping me has really turned their life upside down. Jason is acting out a lot lately and I have decided to seek outside help. I can see it in his eyes that he is stressing and can not express himself. I tried to give them as much attention as possible but being sick the last couple of weeks has really turned their lives upside down. I am not making excuses for him but I know it is weight a lot on his mind. Last night it was just me and the boys and it was very nice to just have the three of us. I do appreciate everything and every ones help but I (we) needed some alone time. It was actually very nice to have Jason crawl into bed next to me. I missed him doing that. He was very good staying on his side but I am hoping that knowing that he can crawl in bed with mom help him a little.
I am still hoping to go to back to work on Monday but it is all based on having the drains come out. I have to call tomorrow with measurements. Everybody think under 30 in a 24 hour period.
But I did feel productive today. I did some baseball stuff and it made me feel good to be in front of my computer and get things moving again. Hell my fingers aren't broken.
Well I will keep you up to date. Check back soon
TTYL
Jenn
I just want to start to feel normal already. Get my boys back into their routine. Everyone being here and helping me has really turned their life upside down. Jason is acting out a lot lately and I have decided to seek outside help. I can see it in his eyes that he is stressing and can not express himself. I tried to give them as much attention as possible but being sick the last couple of weeks has really turned their lives upside down. I am not making excuses for him but I know it is weight a lot on his mind. Last night it was just me and the boys and it was very nice to just have the three of us. I do appreciate everything and every ones help but I (we) needed some alone time. It was actually very nice to have Jason crawl into bed next to me. I missed him doing that. He was very good staying on his side but I am hoping that knowing that he can crawl in bed with mom help him a little.
I am still hoping to go to back to work on Monday but it is all based on having the drains come out. I have to call tomorrow with measurements. Everybody think under 30 in a 24 hour period.
But I did feel productive today. I did some baseball stuff and it made me feel good to be in front of my computer and get things moving again. Hell my fingers aren't broken.
Well I will keep you up to date. Check back soon
TTYL
Jenn
Thursday, March 8, 2012
One week down
So it has been one since my surgery. It is really weird to realize that one week ago I had cancer. Now we have received great news from our pathology reports on Tuesday. By removing the breast we have removed all the cancer. There was nothing detected in the lymph nodes. Once I am released from from Dr. DiBello for follow up from the surgery, I will be visiting Dr. Bierman to see what he thinks we should do from here. But chemo and radiation will only be to kill anything that maybe be lurking that might be microscopic living. But as of right now I all of the cancer that was we knew about has been removed.
Just to make sure everyone knows what I actually had done. I had a bilateral mastectomy (removed both breast) and Dr. Levy actually did an axcillary lymph node testing not just the sential testing. I am guessing that she decided to go big or go home. :)
I am feeling better and better every day. I am able to move my arms more and more. Got two of the drains out today, what a wonderful feeling that was. Kathy said that mostly likely if they other two continue to drain as they are I could be back their on Monday afternoon and have the others removed. All I have to say to that is OH SWEET BABY JESUS! That would just make my day. So far that has been the most annoying part of the surgery having four drains hanging around your neck. I know that they are doing a job that is necessary but it is definately something that I found to be very bothersome.
Today was a day were I felt more tired than any other days prior. I guess because the pain is less and less sleeping on my back is becoming a problem. I am not a back sleeper at all and not only having to sleep on my back but half sitting up is not very comfortable sleeping. So I go to bed around 11 o'clock and by by 3 I am up and want to toss and turn and that doesnt happen because once you get into bed you don't move. :)
Well every day gets better and better. Thanks again for all of the good thoughts and prayers they mean so much and are working. Keep checking in. I will try and update as news stuff happens.
TTYL
Jenn
Just to make sure everyone knows what I actually had done. I had a bilateral mastectomy (removed both breast) and Dr. Levy actually did an axcillary lymph node testing not just the sential testing. I am guessing that she decided to go big or go home. :)
I am feeling better and better every day. I am able to move my arms more and more. Got two of the drains out today, what a wonderful feeling that was. Kathy said that mostly likely if they other two continue to drain as they are I could be back their on Monday afternoon and have the others removed. All I have to say to that is OH SWEET BABY JESUS! That would just make my day. So far that has been the most annoying part of the surgery having four drains hanging around your neck. I know that they are doing a job that is necessary but it is definately something that I found to be very bothersome.
Today was a day were I felt more tired than any other days prior. I guess because the pain is less and less sleeping on my back is becoming a problem. I am not a back sleeper at all and not only having to sleep on my back but half sitting up is not very comfortable sleeping. So I go to bed around 11 o'clock and by by 3 I am up and want to toss and turn and that doesnt happen because once you get into bed you don't move. :)
Well every day gets better and better. Thanks again for all of the good thoughts and prayers they mean so much and are working. Keep checking in. I will try and update as news stuff happens.
TTYL
Jenn
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